About 2020 (& Taylor Swift)

Intro — 28.11.2021

At the end of 2020, I wrote this silly chaotic poem. I don’t think it’s particularly good, but it reflects how much of a chaos existed in my mind (and heart) back then. Looking back at it now I partly embarass myself, partly feel proud of what I lived since then.

2020 was not easy for any of us, but somehow these lines came easy to me at the time.

2020
What to say about this damned year?

The year I got my heart broken the most
(thank goddess had Taylor Swift to guide me through it)
The year I found love the most
(which is always the other side of having your heart broken)
Love for myself and everything (I think) I am
Love for so many friends
They take up all the space
But leave me so much room to breathe

The year I spent the most time by myself
(thank goddess had Taylor Swift to make me company)
The year I spent the most time with my friends
On the phone
Countless texts and audios and memes
Back and forth all of us crying
And laughing
And holding each other
And saying
It’s alright

The year I completely reinvented myself
(thank goddess had Taylor Swift to teach me how)
Learned how not to eat animals
(Or anything that comes from them)
Wore so much coloured makeup
I have no more colours to play with
Read all the books I wanted to
(but still have so many on my list!)
And maybe (only maybe)
Understood what it is to take care of myself

The year I learned how to express my feelings
(thank goddess had Taylor Swift to express them for me)
In so many languages
Over apple pie in England
Shouting in the streets of Italy
Crying endless in Spain
Complaining and dreaming (and rolling in the sands) in Brazil
(I feel so fancy)
But it’s all okay
(If they love you back)

The year I had so much to fear
(thank goddess had Taylor Swift there to hold me)
Far from everyone I could ever love
I had to find love somewhere else
Far from my family
On the darkest moment
The worst fucking fear
I know it now

The year that has still not ended?
(thank goddess had Taylor Swift to remind me of it)
Still some tears left to cry
(for sure)
Still some demons to face
(but hey, I faced so many already)
Still lots of work
(and some drama)
Still a couple more weeks of suffering
(because you-know-who is still president, fuck)
(this is never over)

Still some time to find a bit more love
To go back to friends I haven’t seen in a while
(out of fucking proud)
To tell some truths I maybe should’ve already
To stress about what’s to come
(hehe)
Because I am pretty sure there is more to come

The End — yes, I am a Taylor Swift fan